The “secret” to making it work.

Contributed by RAYMOND ANTHONY FERNANDO –

Practice the 3Ps – Patience, perseverance and Prayer to make marriages work   

Unlike the early years in Singapore when life moved at a much slower pace, young married working couples in this day and age face the pressure of a hectic lifestyle, so they tend to lose patience very easily.

So, it comes as no surprise to me that young working couples are so easily throwing in the towel, shouting divorce within just 5 years of their marriage (“More couples untying the knot as the years go by”;  The Straits Times, 7^th April 2015).

All couples who sign on the dotted line want a life-long commitment.  Husbands are looking for wives who are not in the habit of nagging and who understand them.  Wives, for their part, would like husbands who are sensitive to their needs and actually understand them.  It all adds up to each of them wanting the same thing:  A satisfying, happy and fulfilling relationship.

What makes couples want to untie the knot?

Divorce could spring up due to various reasons.  It could be just a single issue, a combination of two or three things, a meddling of the little things about their spouse which annoys them or a difference in opinion.  This is why in a marriage, as in caring for a sick loved one, practising the 3Ps – Patience,Perseverance and even Prayer, is vital in working towards a strong partnership.  It worked for me and my late wife of 40 years. 

One of the main reasons why marriages fail is because of money issues.  It has been said that the material aspirations of the Singaporean can be defined with the 5Cs – Car, Cash, Condo, Credit card and Country club.  However, while money is needed to survive, it should not be the do all and end all.  What is just as important are the 3Ls – Love, Laughter and Life.

 Just a dip in the pool to see if you really want to swim

To this end, I fully endorse the marriage preparation programme that is being rolled by the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) next month.  To build on this programme, I suggest that MSF invites those who have kept their marriage vows intact for decades to share their life-long commitment to inspire and motivate young couples. The public sector must be open to trying out new and better ideas.  Religious groups should also invite dedicated spouses to share their experiences on the rite of the marriage passage.

A friend of mine told me that every seven years our habits and lifestyle changes.  This is true.  For example, when you are 7 years old, you may craze about collecting dinky toys or wanting to read comic books.  When you reach the age of 14, you may want to start going to discos.  At 21, you may became very fashion conscious, wanting to purchase the latest designer shirts, and sporting the latest hairstyles.  This 7-year switch affects every one of us and with the internet having a big influence on society; we have to be mindful of the negative impacts, such as pornography that can cause breakdowns in marriages.

Couples must be willing to remain committed to the vows exchanged on the wedding day.  And if we put our heart and soul into building a solid partnership, we will experience the depths of joy and happiness a fulfilling marriage can bring.