Staying calm and not yelling can go a long way
When it comes to handling your child’s temper tantrum, the key is to stay calm.
As helpless as you may feel towards handling your child’s screams and wails, take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are able handle the situation.
However, if your spouse is around and a lot calmer than you, allow him or her to manage the child, said programme development and innovation specialist, Felisa Fernandez.
Ms Fernandez, who teaches at enrichment centre Learning Horizons, will be speaking at this year’s Rise & Shine Festival on how parents can better appreciate their children.
Approach the child with a hug and say, “I know you’re upset right now and I would like to help you make you feel better. However, I can’t help you when you are crying like this. I need you to be calm so you can talk to me and I can understand what you are saying.”
However, if hugging is not what the child needs at that point, then give him or her a time out, added Ms Fernandez.
The time out for a child varies according to his or her age. For example, a three-year-old would need three minutes and a four-year-old will need four minutes, she said.
Be gentle but firm
Before imposing the time out, explain to the child, in a gentle, but firm voice, that he or she will need to sit it out and stop crying so that you are able to find out what’s wrong with him or her.
Once the time out is over, speak to the child gently and ask if he or she is ready to speak.
Acknowledge the effort made by the child by saying: “I see that you have managed to calm down and stop crying.
That’s really a great thing to do and I really appreciate your effort.” Then, thank and hug the child.
Why children behave badly
Often, bad behaviour in a child arises because of underlying reasons.
These reasons can be broadly attributed to three categories: physical (is the child not feeling well?), emotional (did a friend hurt the child’s feelings?) and language inabilities (can a child communicate his or her needs?), said Ms Fernandez.
In handling these behaviours, the first rule of thumb is to show your child that you are there to support him or her.
However discipline may be needed at times.
When it comes to discipline, parents need to set boundaries and provide behavioural guidelines for their child, said Ms Fernandez. For example, telling him or her that it is wrong to bully a younger sibling.
Next, inform the child of the consequences of not obeying these guidelines. Such a strategy makes it easier to manage the child when he or she misbehaves.
Ms Fernandez said, “When parents establish consistent positive and negative consequences, kids know what to expect.
“And it is only when kids feel safe that they also feel more confident about trying new activities and exploring their talents.
“Positive parenting is a great way to ensure that kids learn how to have confidence.”
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Touted as Asia’s largest enrichment and play festival, this year’s Rise & Shine Festival features exciting and enriching activities for both parents and kids.
There will be an expanded line-up of stage activities, in-booth programmes, meet-and-greet sessions with popular cartoon figures such as Elmo and Cookie Monster, and educational kids’ trial classes hosted by educators such as British Council.
Parents can look forward to seminars on key concepts in modern day parenting conducted by pre-school educators like Lorna Whiston and Learning Horizon.
Other festival participants include Cherie Hearts, People Impact Schools and Mindchamps.
Also visit the Weekender booth (A03), where there’ll be a sure-win lucky draw and get exclusive premiums.
When: Aug 28 to 30, 11am to 9pm
Where: Suntec Singapore Convention & Exhibition Centre, Halls 401 – 404
Admission: Free
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