Hollywood only shows us how to survive when zombies invade the USA. But what if we’re stuck in Singapore?
Every zombie movie conveniently has guns, crossbows, chainsaws, or swords lying around. Or at least that’s what Hollywood shows us.
In Singapore, we’d be lucky to even get a butter knife that can cut our butter slabs smoothly. So, it goes to say that all those Hollywood flicks aren’t much help for when the undead overrun our void decks and hawker centres.
In the spirit of Halloween, here’s a short checklist of what to do if a zombie outbreak erupts in our heartlands. Don’t take these tips too seriously – so I can outlast you!
1. Locate the lightest and deadliest weapon-like item near you
As mentioned, we don’t have the blessing of finding guns on tables or boxes. Most of us have never even used a kitchen knife. But this can work in our favour.
It’s survival of the most creative weapon – finally, we can put our years of education in science to good use. For example, mixing bleach and vinegar creates noxious fumes that may slow the zombies down for a quick getaway.
Sadly, you still won’t have much use for algebra.
If chemistry isn’t your forte, your best bet might be a kitchen knife, or carving a spear from a tree branch. Wish you took Design and Technology now?
2. Don’t leave your belongings behind
We are a very kiasu bunch. We refuse to abandon our valuables, even when our lives are being threatened.
And maybe it’s for good reason – you never know when you may need your Swiss army knife, or your torchlight, or your grandmother’s secret prawn paste sauce. Better take them all. Just in case.
(But why are you taking so much money? Put it back! No one will have much use for paper currency anymore.)
3. Locate the nearest Community Centre
If anyone knows what they’re doing, it’s the leaders of the community. They should be setting up a quarantine zone in the CC or RC, so head there with your belongings (and your family members, of course).
If they’re not there, there should be signs and graffiti (for once) stating where survivors should gather. If there is no sign of life in the CC, raid it! Just hoard all the goodies you can find in there that’s of value or use.
This is a war (with the undead); it’s a question of survival.
4. Grab a bicycle
With the nation’s latest campaign for bike-riding, bicycles are fairly easy to find. They are a fast, efficient, and environmentally-friendly way of getting around, and you won’t have to worry about running out of gas.
And with all the traffic stalled, safety on the roads isn’t an issue anymore.
5. Cross the border
It’s the apocalypse. Nobody’s going to stop you from swimming to Johor!
If you followed the second tip though, good luck staying afloat.
By Pamela Chow
Experience real terror these Halloween trails here!
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